that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
