I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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