Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.