You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
