he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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