the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
We left the knife in your bed.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
