I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
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You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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