drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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