There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize