i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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