drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
