Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
