You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
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