I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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