Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
