you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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