I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
