There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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