chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
