How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
