I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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