I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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