I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
