yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
