you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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