Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
