I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
