Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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