His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
