well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
