She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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