They should really pass out barf bags in church
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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