What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
