3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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