he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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