Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Randomize
