im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize