just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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