so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I need to align my fucking chakras
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
