apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
