Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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