Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
