May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
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He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
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Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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