so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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