Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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