If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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