I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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