I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
