Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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