with your own penis?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
