I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
