i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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