Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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