There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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