ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize