I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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