I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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